Bad site - please ignore!

Hey - just wanted to let you all know that there's a wedsite out there for us that's got really, really old information. Those of you who know us well, follow our FB pages, sit down the hall from us - pretty much all of you - know that this information is outdated. (Obviously I'm not running anywhere right now - let alone the Rock N Roll 1/2 Marathon!) Anyway, please ignore our really outdated page at weddingchannel.com. I tried to have it deleted months ago, and, well, there it is...

Broken foot, not broken spirit

As some of you may have heard, I broke my foot last weekend. I know you'll ask, so here's how: I was walking Bartlet and he walked me - very quickly, down the hill in the backyard, ending with a body slam (mine) onto the concrete stepping stones. The bone is now crooked. We'll find out two weeks from today if I have to have screws put in or not. Having said that, everything is still a go for September 6th. No changes in plans - at least not that should mean any changes for any of you. I have a "zero percent chance" of being out of this boot by then, so I will have to make some changes to my attire. I've never heard of seating for the bride and groom, but you know Gary and me, we like to make things fun as we go along. If we have to start something new, that's what we'll do. At the end of the day, all that matters is that we'll be married to each other, surrounded by as many people as possible who love us and whom we love... even if some are there in spirit, some via the Internet, and one pulled in by red wagon or carried by her new husband.
More fun stuff to come...
Looking forward to seeing you all soon!

Another hotel suggestion, "schedule" and some other stuff...

A new hotel recently opened up in Homewood - pretty much halfway between the ceremony site and the reception site. I had a client stay there a couple of weeks back and he loved it. It's brand new, in a great location, and has terrific specials. It's called Aloft. It is a Starwood Hotel for those of you tracking your points. Right now you can do buy-one-night-get-one-half-off, buy-two-get-the-third-one-free, something about pay $119 for the first night, then the next two are the year of your birth (not counting the 19) - like I would pay $72 because I was born in 1972. Here's something cool, too, they not only allow pets, they pamper them. One guest is bringing her dog, and she (the dog) gets a special bed, bag of treats and some other fun stuff. There is a self-serve cafe there, as well as a restaurant and bar. It's also in a cool little neighborhood with shops and restaurants and galleries. Mmmmm... check out O'Carrs for a cream cheese and cucumber sandwich on french bread.
Here's some other stuff...
For planning purposes, here's the "schedule" for the weekend. I'm off work starting Wednesday. Feel free to come help me do last-minute stuff.
Friday there will be people arriving. No real plans that day, but hopefully can pull together dinner or drinks or something for whoever is in town.
We're working on some fun stuff for Saturday for those of you who will already be here - optional, of course. Soon we'll give you ideas of things we think you really oughtta do while you're in Birmingham. In the meantime, check out "36 Hours in Birmingham" from the New York Times. There's a link on the left-hand side of this blog. It's under "Things We Love".
The rehearsal is scheduled for 4:00 on Saturday. If you're taking part in the ceremony or are immediate family, please plan to be there. We'll get through it quickly, then we have a special Birmingham treat planned for dinner. The hope is to meet up with everyone else who is in town for dessert and/or drinks afterwards.
On Sunday, the ceremony is scheduled for 1:00, immediately followed by cocktail hour and reception.
We're leaving for Atlanta midday on Monday, but feel free to stay and hang out in The 'Ham if you'd like!
I hope that helps a little for your planning...
In other news - after months of dark clouds, frustration, and anxiety through the roof, I am FINALLY getting excited about The Wedding. I have been fretting and freaked out for so long about the planning. This really has been a quite lonely experience - somewhat sad in a way - but I'm through that part now. I am so blessed that Gary has been so supportive and involved over the last 10 months.
I had my first dress fitting yesterday. Gary finally has his ties in a color close to That Blue. Our dining room has turned in to the "wedding room" - it's full of ... well, stuff for The Wedding. We're getting close now - and I am getting excited! This is going to be a lot of fun! I get to marry the most amazing man I've ever known, we get to hang out with people we love and love to spend time with, and I get to be a real princess for the day - and then, when it's over, I get to spend the rest of my life with the hottest guy on the planet. I really am the luckiest girl in the world...

Hotels and registry

We finally took care of two things many of you have been asking about - checking into hotels and working on our registry. Here's the story on both...


First, hotels.


There are three hotels you might want to consider, based on proximity to festivities and our house, pricing, etc. The first is Candlewood Suites. This place is not The Ritz, but it serves its purpose. The room we saw was very clean, big enough, and had a small kitchenette in it. I think they all have the kitchenettes, actually. There isn't a restaurant, but there is a place where you can buy snacks and take them back to the room and prepare them. This place had a workout room but no pool or hot tub. It's basic, but if our wedding weekend is enough fun and you don't need perks, this will be perfect. It's not even 10 minutes from the reception site, and about 15 to the ceremony site. Here's the best part - it's cheap. Like really cheap. If you book online (different rates online than if you call) you can get a room for about $49.99 - at least that's what my uncle got it for. Make sure you inquire about AARP, AAA, etc. discounts - they offer discounted rates for just about anything. Oh, and the "two bedroom suite" I think has 2 beds (one would think since it's a 2 bedroom), and also has a pull out sofa - so realistically you could put 6 people in one room for about 80 bucks - that is if you're okay with sharing one bathroom with 5 other people.

The second place was going to be the Wingate Inn right next to the Candlewood, but I decided against it for two reasons. One, we found a better place that's cheaper. Two, there is a typo on their rack card. I'm totally serious about this. It says "Birminham" instead of "Birmingham". These folks not only had a typo, they didn't use spellcheck, and clearly no one (qualified) proofed it before they spent thousands and thousands of dollars on printing. If they can make that grand of a mistake, and then not order new ones to use that are spelled correctly, I would worry about what they would overlook in my hotel room. Really. Call me a spelling snob, but that's just so basic. So, no Wingate recommendation.

Instead, Hyatt Place Inverness. This hotel is about 7 minutes from the reception, about 12 or so from the ceremony. It doesn't have a bar or restaurant, but it does have a "guest cafe" where you can serve yourself 24-7. We got a rate of $89. This is the rate it currently is online, but should that rate go up, you can call and tell them you're with the "Woodring/Stokes Wedding" and get that rate anyway. (That felt really funny to type. Like last night when I called in a to go order at Fleming's and of course said "Stokes" for the name because no one there knows who Mariesa Woodring is. So anyway, when I went in, the little hostess girl who knows us threw open the door and said "Good evening, Mrs. Stokes, how are you?" She knows I'm not Mrs. Stokes. She said I was just practicing with it. So anyway...) You have to actually call 888 HYATT HP to get this rate, you can't do the wedding rate online. The rooms all have double or king beds, like most hotel rooms, but I think each room also has a pull-out sleeper sofa. There is also a divider between the living room part and the bedroom part, so there is a little privacy. You could probably sleep four in a regular room, again, assuming you don't mind sharing a bathroom with three other people.

The third option is the Hilton Perimeter Park. This is where we'll be staying Sunday night. The Hilton is about 5 minutes from the reception. And here's the best part - there's a shuttle to The Summit, where Fleming's is, so you wouldn't have to drive back after the party. It's a lovely place. There's a workout room, pool, hot tub, restaurant and bar. In case I've not mentioned this yet, the other two hotels are in Shelby County, which is dry on Sundays. The Hilton is not. The bar serves until 11 on Sundays, in case that's something you might be interested in. They also offer an airport shuttle. This is hourly, but the concierge told me you still need to call and request service. The rate for that weekend (right now) is about $119. DO NOT pay for the "Executive Level" room. The "Executive Level" lounge is closed on weekends. The only difference other than that from a regular room, and I'm not making this up, is three feet. Seriously. You're paying about $10 more a night per foot for this room.

Should you decide to stay somewhere other than one of these three, please let us know ahead of time and we can go check it out for you. And in case you didn't read the earlier post, I strongly discourage you from staying at the only Bed and Breakfast in the city of Birmingham, unless you like teacups, scary old things and Victorian crap. This place is filled to the brim with dolls with glass eyes, old dusty and musty bassinettes and carousel horses. If you're into that stuff, then stay there, but don't come crying to us when a stuffed rabbit wearing a straw hat sitting in a rocking chair steals your breath in the middle of the night.

Don't forget there's always the option to bunk with someone else and split the cost. Many of you coming in from out of town know each other, and those of you who don't, we can tell you who we think you would get along with well enough to share a room for the weekend. Let us know if you're interested and we'll try to make a love connection - I mean roommate match. Same goes for rental cars. No reason everyone should rent when you can share...

Enough on the hotels. Call us if you have questions.

So, to the registry.

This was not fun for us really. It wasn't the experience you see in chick flicks. We didn't waltz through major department stores scanning individual salad forks and crystal figurines and curtains or whatever other people register for. I don't think either one of us enjoyed it actually. We did however look at it from the perspective that, since we aren't having babies, this is probably the last time we'll register for anything. So we tried to have as much fun with it as we could. Or at least register for things we actually want and will use. You'll find the registry here: http://www.myregistry.com/gift-list/Mariesa-Woodring-Gary-Stokes

Enjoy!

Happy Anniversary!

Years before I had ever even fantasized about sharing a bowl of ice cream, a home or a last name with him, Gary Stokes was News Director at WAVY TV 10. And I was a producer, and a much different version of myself.

I was angry, bitter, and mean. I yelled at people. I said horrible things. I hurt people's feelings. I smashed things and broke things and threw things. And I was in a lot of pain, a lot of the time.

I was 30 the summer Gary and I met. I had been dealing with "girlie problems" for nearly half my life. By then I had had multiple - like 4 or 5 - abdominal surgeries. I had lost count. I spent more than a year on codeine. When that stopped working, my doctors prescribed oxycontin. I took a lot, and I took it often. I did the best I could to make it through the work day, and spent nights curled up in a ball with a heating pad, hot water bottle, aromatherapy treatments, and various other things to help dull the pain deep inside my belly and my back. About once a month, I would make a trip to the emergency room and spend the evening on a morphine drip - a "pitcher of margaritas" the nurses always called it. It would help me sleep through the night and would get me through until the pain had lessened enough for the oxycontin to work again.

In September of that year, at my wit's end, I found a doctor who agreed to give me a hysterectomy, even though I was only 30. The afternoon I sat in his office and scheduled what I thought would be my final surgery was the same afternoon I believe a much deeper relationship between Gary and I began.

As long as I had been sick, my mother was the first person I'd call when I left a doctor's office. That day I added a second call - to Gary. I spoke to him before I even pulled out of my parking space. I don't remember what I told him, but I drove straight to the station and sat down in his office. Alone and afraid, I poured myself and my sickness out to him. He told me to take care of me and everything else would be alright. When I left that day, I knew I wouldn't be back to work for as long as 9 weeks, and I knew that I would miss him.

I spent the next several days getting prepared for surgery and subsequent time at home - where I would be stuck in my 4th floor apartment for much of it. I got library books and snacks and movies. I picked up groceries. I made sure someone was getting my mail and would check on me. My mother flew in to help. I made a phone tree for people to call when I got out of surgery. I wanted her first call to be Gary. I wanted to make sure he knew how I had made it through.

Several days before I was scheduled to check in to Chesapeake General, I had a "routine" ultrasound. My surgeon found something - two things actually - that he wasn't expecting. A tumor attached to my left ovary, and one inside my uterus. As I left his office that day, truly frightened, I made two phone calls from the parking lot. The first to my mother, the second to Gary. That night - this was before there was blogging - I started sending out mass emails to my friends and family. I think I thought I was helping them, telling them how I was doing, but in reality, I was helping me - dumping my fears and worries and nightmares into cyberspace to purge them from my head and my heart.

In addition to the tumors, my abdomen was full of adhesions - attached to everything - essentially glueing my organs to one another. I was horrified when I woke from surgery and the doctor told me he had "saved" my right ovary. Saved it from what? I had wanted so badly to be done with this 15 year nightmare, and he had "saved" one of my ovaries. I wondered how long it would take for that one to need to come out. As disappointed as I was, I was extremely relieved to hear the tumors he removed were not cancerous.

I didn't get better after I was out the hospital that time. A week or so after I was discharged, I developed an infection and had to be rushed back. I was admitted for another week. Back on the morphine drip, I woke up the middle of some afternoon and saw Gary standing over my bed. I was confused and delighted. I have no idea what we talked about or how long he was there. But there he was.

As often as I could after my surgery I emailed - sometimes in a drug-induced haze. I would say things I would never say to someone's face for fear of embarrassing myself, or them. One morning - I'm sure she meant well - my mother replied to an email and said "don't you think this is too personal to share with Gary? I think you should remove him from this list." I did not, and I do not, think it was too personal to share with Gary. I believe as humans there are things we are supposed to share with each other to help us grow and to help us heal. And Gary got to know me more in that time than he would have if we had simply been working in the same newsroom.

After I went home again, I spent several weeks with nothing to do. I wasn't allowed back at work, but was encouraged to walk. So I walked. I would go down by the mighty Elizabeth River, around the harbor, close to WAVY and back home. One afternoon as I walked laps, I looked across a field, and alone, heading in my direction, was Gary. He was walking to get his lunch. Of all the people I could have seen in downtown Portsmouth that day, I saw him. Alone. And I was ecstatic. He hugged me in that old friend-y kind of hug way. That was the first time I remember noticing the way he smells - like dry cleaning and lotion and a hint of something sweetly indescribable. It's the same clean, calming scent he has now.

I went back to work for a couple of months. In that time the pain came back, and my hormones and my moods were eratic and insane. I was a mess. I felt hopeless and helpless. In March, my "saved" ovary finally had a tumor large enough for my doctor to want to take it out. Only this time it was an emergency. With grave concerns about cancer, he gave me just 36 hours to prepare for this surgery. I got in my car and called my mother. And then I called Gary and headed back to the station to tell him the news again.

This time was different. The afternoon I got home from the hospital I even got on the treadmill. I healed faster, felt better, and had more hope than ever before. The tumor was not cancerous and my ovary was gone - but it doesn't end there.

Then, and now, I have to see the doctor about every 3 or 4 months to tweak my hormone replacements. It's not always a pretty process. I have moodswings and I worry I'll never feel normal. I have symptoms that make me think I'm turning into my grandmothers. I'm not even 40, how can I have that??? When we moved to Birmingham, I started going to one of the best clinics in the country, and my doctor there is one of the top reproductive endocrinologists around. I call him "my chemist". I often feel like a big experiment, but I guess in a sense, I am.

About once a year something will happen and I will panic and convince myself that I am sick again. After sufficiently scaring myself about it, I'll tell Gary and he'll remind me that I worried about this before and everything turned out fine. He'll also tell me that if it does turn out to be something, we'll get through it. Then he'll encourage me to go to the clinic, and when I do, it's always something that's a quick fix. Add this, subtract that, wait another 3 months and see what happens. It's a constant process, but at least I'm no longer in pain or a screaming angry madwoman.

So why am I telling you all of this in our wedding blog? For one, this weekend was the 6th anniversary of my last ovary being removed. We always observe the day by eating eggs - real ones, not beaters. The other thing is this - I think most engaged people probably hope they'll never have to test their vows. They might pray things won't go from better to worse, or from richer to poorer. I am blessed. We are blessed. We've already been through sickness and now have health. And if anything should happen again, to either one of us, we know we'll get through it - together.

187 Days (23 hours, 31 minutes and 53 seconds...)

Time is flying. I am currently panicking about how it's all going to get done. I just realized it's been almost a month since I blogged at all - completely because I've been too busy. You all know me well enough to know I've always got something to say and am generally not shy about saying it. Just. Too. (Favorite four-letter word + "ing"). Busy. Am in fact writing this at lunch right now because I wanted to get this out to you all because I know you're trying to plan.
Believe me, we know the economy is affecting everyone and everything. We're trying to plan a wedding at possibly the worst financial time in the last, well, since there was a little dinosaur lady who was trying as hard as she could to plan a creative and beautiful and fun and personal wedding without cutting the guest list or using credit cards...
Since we created the guest list, at least 3 people on it have been laid off. This is not a big wedding, folks. That's a lot. Especially considering several guests are still in school, and others either work from home or are self-employed.
We know this is a hard time, but we really, really want those of you who are out of town to be able to come in and be part of our celebration. Here are a couple of things for you to think about if you're sweating being able to make it:
1 - You can always carpool. According to Googlemaps, it's 11 hours and change from Portsmouth. (For lack of another central location, I did actually google it from WAVY to our house. Don't know why I couldn't come up with anything else.) There are a lot of people in Virginia on the guest list, and many of you already know each other. If you're interested in roadtrippin', email me and I'll send you email addresses of other people near you. Honestly, I think it would be fun. It may seem like a long time in the car, but it's a beautiful drive, and no one drives as slowly as Googlemaps would like us to - it's probably more like 10 hours. If you're splitting the cost with a few people, it might make it tolerable. Maybe you'll make new friends! Also remember it's a holiday weekend - you'll have all day Monday to get back.
2 -- Share a room. I am still working on hotel rooms and rates. I seriously have just been too busy to drive to a bunch and check them out. (I did check out a Bed & Breakfast this weekend in Birmingham - the ONLY B&B in Birmingham - and there is nfw I'm letting any of you stay there. Quick side story: Ira, the "innkeeper", was like a more effeminate Norman Bates wearing a way-too-tight black leather vest. There were full-sized carousel horses in this place, a peacock with it's thing all spread out in the fireplace, and tables were littered with little teacups and saucers and other dainty Victorian crap. In one of the "very affordable" suites, the sitting room was stufffed full with I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP little dolls and doll carriages and bassinets all posed with their plastic eyeballs staring right at you. Another room had this massive wedding dress all fluffed out and shaped and draped. It was horrific. Ira was so proud of it all. I was so creeped out it was all I could do to not run down the original oak steps and straight out the front door shrieking. But had I done that, I would have had to pass by - again - the wicker rocking chairs on the porch with bunnies placed just-so on them. I physically shuddered for about 30 minutes after leaving this place. I hate B&Bs anyway, and prefer not to stay in them, but this was ridiculous. I will not allow any of you to stay there. Period.) So anyway, I'm working on checking out real hotels for you, but while I do, please remember you can bunk with someone. Again, many of you know each other already, and if you don't, I'm sure we can match you up with someone we think you would like. After all, we think you're all pretty cool, so I'm sure you'll like each other, even if it's just well enough to enjoy a weekend together. I'm paying particular attention to hotels that offer suites so there will be more room in them, should you decide to split the cost and share with someone.
3 -- Share a car. If you do go ahead and fly in, think about sharing a rental car with someone. For the third time, many of you already know each other. And if you don't, we trust you each enough to recommend you to a person you could share a car with and know you won't hack them up into little pieces or purposefully run anyone into a telephone pole. Most likely you'll be going to many of the same places anyway, might as well split the cost. Want some names? Email me.
That's what I've got for now, mostly because it's time for me to get back to work. I promise I'm working on the hotels. The one I did already look at (that's attached to a mall and has a steakhouse and bar, etc. in it) ran about $119/night I think. That one's also a little out of the way, but it has a lot to do during down time. My uncle told me the other day he found one that's about 15 minutes from our house and the reception site, and about 20 or so from the ceremony site for about $49/night - and that's for a suite with an extra pull out sofa. I'm going to drive down and look at that one with my own eyes before I recommend it, but I think it's pretty new, so I can't imagine it's all that bad. I may be able to do that Saturday, but will be busy working the second job because, as I said, we're trying to plan a wedding in the worst financial time in history without cutting the guest list or using credit cards...

A Letter From the Past

We have had a very, very busy week when it comes to the wedding. Well, overall, but wedding stuff has been full speed ahead for the last week or 10 days.
Last weekend I was in Atlanta at a flower show, where I got a lot done, and found a lot of inspiration. I took projects with me for downtime, and actually worked on making favors, and started work on the invitations. Just wait - once you see them you'll understand why this was no easy task. As I was hanging out at this flower show for 4+ days, I saw a lot of flowers (duh), got a lot of advice from garden experts, and flipped through about a bazillion books. One particular book had pictures of arrangements, bouquets, and boutteniers that I liked so much, I actually took photos of the pages. Yes, at this point, I am that cheap that I snuck around shooting the pages rather than purchase the book... I also got a sense of what flowers I *don't* want for the wedding - either because they didn't hold up well out of water, would have to be flown in from somewhere far, far away (not very environmentally responsible - I wouldn't be able to sleep at night), or once they were made into an arrangement they looked just plain gawdy. It really was quite helpful and somewhat eased a bit of my anxiety.
Gary and I met at the jeweler one afternoon this week and saw our rings. We tried them on, but for insurance reasons (please read "Terror and Insurance" if you have not already), they are still in the jeweler's safe, not in our safety deposit box. But we did try them on and see how they look on us. I am trying not to think too much about it. It made me a little excited.
We also made an appointment for our wine tasting and scheduled our cake tasting. That we will be doing while Gary's Mom is here - something fun she can be involved in, and she can help make some crucial decisions. And besides, as the pastry shop is called where we're going, who doesn't love cake? (At least I think that's the name. It's close.)
The other week I found a song that I felt was perfect, just perfect, for the processional. It's sung by one of our favorite singers, someone who we've seen in concert several times. It's in Italian and has a lot of violin, two things I absolutely adore, and based on the English translation, it's about two people who couldn't be together but now they can finally celebrate their love -- and at the time I had Obama on the brain, as well as a little Abraham Lincoln, and the song really touched me. Just 40 years ago we couldn't have married each other. I am so grateful that people were and are willing to stand up for what's right in this great nation, regardless of what's law, regardless of what's "acceptable", and make change happen. God bless those who aren't afraid to fight to make life better for all other people.
So anyway, I was all excited about this song. Had just about every step down the "aisle" planned out. And then Gary burst my bubble. And crushed my dream. The song is actually "A Time for Us" - the 1968 theme to Romeo & Juliet. I got a "D" in Shakespeare, but I know that's not a good thing. Dammit.
Tomorrow we're going to look at ties and cufflinks. Monday morning we're having breakfast with an officiant-candidate. Yesterday I pulled a box out of the garage of old cards and letters and other treasures I've kept for the last many years. I am hoping there is something in that box that will help me write my vows.
But before I found that inspiration, under deflated balloons from birthdays gone by, placemats from theme-night dinners, and lyrics to my favorite love songs, I discovered a letter from the past. It's actually an email conversation between me and Jacey Eckhart, a sometimes-marriage and family-columnist for the Virginian-Pilot. It was written the week of Valentine's Day, years ago, but I'm not sure how many, there's no date on it. Here is an excerpt of what I said to her in response to a column about what women want for said mall-holiday:
"...why do [these articles] seem to be just about what men get women? I am racking my brain so much about what to get him, that what he's getting me isn't even crossing my mind. This is a mall-iday in celebration of love, and our relationship is *ours*, not just mine... Not once in columns about Valentine's Day this year have I seen anything to speak of regarding what *he*wants."
"...I am lucky, blessed, and thankful that I have a boyfriend that knows me well and takes the time to *think* about what I like and would want."
"When is someone going to point out that it's not about chocolate (= guilt) or 'romantic' silky outfits (= one night of lust)? Real romance is taking the time to think about what's important to your sweetie, what makes them feel good, what they enjoy, what makes them feel pampered... All we really want is for men to think about what would make us feel special. Take the time, use the energy, get creative, and we'll do the same for them."
Her response to me:
"I predict good things for this relationship. Not only do you know each other well enough to navigate the tricky waters of V-day, but you are already talking about it. I can't tell you how many years of conversations we had to have about V-day before we got it exactly right. You are way ahead of the curve."
Wow. That made me feel really good - then and now. Made me feel good that she said those things, but moreso that Gary's even so much more thoughtful and romantic and creative as the years go by. I am indeed the luckiest girl in the world.
...And now, off to the symphony with the man who undoubtedly will be the hottest one there. And then we'll come home, I'll settle into bed, and then stay awake all night worrying about what I'm going to get him for Valentine's Day...