Random people keep asking me "how's married life?!" Honestly? Look at our lives right now. Here's how "married life" is:
We spent three days together, at home, after our wedding. Three days. That's a holiday weekend for most of you. In that time, I hobbled around and tried desperately to find something - anything - sexy about my boot. Not so much on this new bride. Hindrance, not hot.
After three days, we both went back to work. Had to. Remember, this is, after all, a depression.
One week after The Wedding, we had a check-up at the ortho dr., where, of course, we scheduled my surgery. Since then we've been planning and prepping for me to be in a cast for 8 to 10 to 12 weeks, then in a boot - again - for 8 to 10 to 12 more. We've bought a deep freezer, grocery shopped for 2 months at a time, moved furniture, bought new gates and moved tie-outs for the dog, looked for people to come watch me sleep so Gary can go to work... and the list goes on. We have not slowed down one second since The Wedding, it's just different stuff. We are both exhausted, but not in the "traditional" honeymoon way. Our days together are really no different than they've been since we've known each other - about the same as they've been for the last seven, five, three, or less years. We've got to take care of ourselves, and be there to help each other. And we're doing it.
I will say though that after being together this long, most things didn't change when we said I do. But some did.
I have a much deeper respect for Gary than I had before. I adore him on a completely different level than I did even 6 weeks ago. We haven't even received our marriage license back yet, and still, my commitment to him feels so much stronger than it ever did, more than I knew it could be.
So how is married life? Not much different than not-married life with us, really. Commitment is commitment. Love is love. Being there is being there. And we've both been here for a long time - and plan to be here for a long time to come.
I am sad we had to start our marriage like this. I would have rather worn smokin' hot heels than the boot, cute little lingerie rather than a cast, and anything's got to be sexier than crutches.
But still... I know us and I know we'll get through this. We'll push and push and push until one day we wake up and we have more time and space to focus on us. I have no fear. We can do that in 6 weeks, 6 months or in 6 years - but I know no matter what we'll make it work. So to answer your question honestly, people - that's how married life is for us.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Honeymoon & Heartbreak
Despite being our second week of marriage, the last several days have been quite heavy on the heart. On Monday we found out that I will not be able to avoid surgery on my foot. On October 5th, they will take part of the bone in my heel and move it to another place in my foot. There, they will also put a plate and screws. I will be in a cast with crutches for 8 weeks. Then I will spend another 8 weeks or so in a boot - again. And then we'll have PT. We're hoping I'll be able to drive by my birthday. In February. Preparing for surgery is by far nothing new to me, but to have to jump right into the "in sickness and in health" vow is very bothersome.
On Wednesday, after having a day or so to let it all soak in, I had to call and quit my second job. Yes, there were a few Saturday mornings where I really didn't care about lotion and all things girlie, I just wanted to stay home with my honey and my doggie, but for the most part, I really, really enjoyed my part-time gig at BBW. I started the job thinking it would last a few months, until we got into the new house, but I worked there for 2 1/2 years. I wouldn't have quit except that I've already been off for 8 weeks, and I'll need to be off for another 20. Minimum. I really did like going there. I love girlie stuff. And smelly stuff. And things that make my skin feel good. And I love good sales. And there are several people there I genuinely truly enjoyed spending time with. And getting paid for it didn't hurt.
Today, we started the paperwork to file the insurance claim to cancel the honeymoon. This - this - is breaking my heart.
Now, I have been told we should be about our marriage, not our honeymoon, and believe me, we are. And we know my prognosis could have been a lot, lot worse. We are not strangers to freak accidents, and we know my injuries could have been ones that last our lifetimes, not just our first year of marriage. I also know that I am grateful beyond words. I know Gary will be here to take care of me for another 20 weeks or another 20 after that. He's been doing it for years.
One Christmas Eve he sent me home from work when I was flu-ish and running a fever of 102 - and he got my shift covered on Christmas day. Let that sink in. I was sick as a dog and he got my shift covered - on Christmas day. After my last oophorectomy in 2003, one afternoon I woke up from a morphine-induced nap and he was standing by my bedside. When I dropped a butcher block on my toenail he picked me up from the emergency room. He stuck by me for years while I struggled to get my hormones to a tolerable level. My husband has been with me, in sickness and in health, for as long as I have known him. And I have no doubt in the next 20 weeks he won't bitch (much) when he has to do all of the laundry, the grocery shopping, walk the dog, carry me, and carry us. I know I am married to the most amazing man I've ever met, and that I am the luckiest girl in the world. And for that I am truly grateful. But that doesn't mean I'm not sad.
We planned our honeymoon for months. We weighed so many options. Where did we want to go? What did we want out of a post-wedding vacation? Well, here's what we wanted: I wanted a beach. We both wanted golf. We wanted all-inclusive. We wanted free adult beverages and delightful meals. I wanted couples massages. We wanted to climb waterfalls and zoom down ziplines in the jungle. We wanted 24-hour room service so we could order warm chocolate chip cookies and ice cold milk at 2:00 in the morning, just like at Kingsmill. We wanted to go away alone and we vowed to leave our work phones at home. We wanted time together - away from everything else. Finally.
And today, we cancelled our honeymoon.
We planned, prepared and packed for it for 13 months. I have a place in the closet where we've put everything we didn't want to forget. Sunscreen. Aqua socks. Bathing suits. A small brown purse with killer heels that match. I've dreamed about this fairytale vacation with him for as long as I can remember. We had a one bedroom honeymoon oceanview villa with a private pool. And someone to bring us chocolate chip cookies or tequila whenever we wanted it.
And instead, I'm typing this, sitting on our couch. The same one we've sat on or snuggled on or sometimes slept on for years. The same couch where I'll be spending the time I had taken off for our honeymoon. Where instead I'll be crashing or crying in a few weeks, with a cast on my leg, new hardware in my foot, and the most amazing husband ever by my side.
On Wednesday, after having a day or so to let it all soak in, I had to call and quit my second job. Yes, there were a few Saturday mornings where I really didn't care about lotion and all things girlie, I just wanted to stay home with my honey and my doggie, but for the most part, I really, really enjoyed my part-time gig at BBW. I started the job thinking it would last a few months, until we got into the new house, but I worked there for 2 1/2 years. I wouldn't have quit except that I've already been off for 8 weeks, and I'll need to be off for another 20. Minimum. I really did like going there. I love girlie stuff. And smelly stuff. And things that make my skin feel good. And I love good sales. And there are several people there I genuinely truly enjoyed spending time with. And getting paid for it didn't hurt.
Today, we started the paperwork to file the insurance claim to cancel the honeymoon. This - this - is breaking my heart.
Now, I have been told we should be about our marriage, not our honeymoon, and believe me, we are. And we know my prognosis could have been a lot, lot worse. We are not strangers to freak accidents, and we know my injuries could have been ones that last our lifetimes, not just our first year of marriage. I also know that I am grateful beyond words. I know Gary will be here to take care of me for another 20 weeks or another 20 after that. He's been doing it for years.
One Christmas Eve he sent me home from work when I was flu-ish and running a fever of 102 - and he got my shift covered on Christmas day. Let that sink in. I was sick as a dog and he got my shift covered - on Christmas day. After my last oophorectomy in 2003, one afternoon I woke up from a morphine-induced nap and he was standing by my bedside. When I dropped a butcher block on my toenail he picked me up from the emergency room. He stuck by me for years while I struggled to get my hormones to a tolerable level. My husband has been with me, in sickness and in health, for as long as I have known him. And I have no doubt in the next 20 weeks he won't bitch (much) when he has to do all of the laundry, the grocery shopping, walk the dog, carry me, and carry us. I know I am married to the most amazing man I've ever met, and that I am the luckiest girl in the world. And for that I am truly grateful. But that doesn't mean I'm not sad.
We planned our honeymoon for months. We weighed so many options. Where did we want to go? What did we want out of a post-wedding vacation? Well, here's what we wanted: I wanted a beach. We both wanted golf. We wanted all-inclusive. We wanted free adult beverages and delightful meals. I wanted couples massages. We wanted to climb waterfalls and zoom down ziplines in the jungle. We wanted 24-hour room service so we could order warm chocolate chip cookies and ice cold milk at 2:00 in the morning, just like at Kingsmill. We wanted to go away alone and we vowed to leave our work phones at home. We wanted time together - away from everything else. Finally.
And today, we cancelled our honeymoon.
We planned, prepared and packed for it for 13 months. I have a place in the closet where we've put everything we didn't want to forget. Sunscreen. Aqua socks. Bathing suits. A small brown purse with killer heels that match. I've dreamed about this fairytale vacation with him for as long as I can remember. We had a one bedroom honeymoon oceanview villa with a private pool. And someone to bring us chocolate chip cookies or tequila whenever we wanted it.
And instead, I'm typing this, sitting on our couch. The same one we've sat on or snuggled on or sometimes slept on for years. The same couch where I'll be spending the time I had taken off for our honeymoon. Where instead I'll be crashing or crying in a few weeks, with a cast on my leg, new hardware in my foot, and the most amazing husband ever by my side.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Hopefully by now, if you weren't here, you've had a chance to watch the video of the ceremony. Unfortunately, you can't hear much of it, and some things aren't entirely clear. So here are the answers to a few questions we've received from online guests...
The precious boys in blue are Gary's nephews. You may remember that we had originally planned to get married on the beach, and that Gary proposed to me on the sand at Virginia Beach. His sister scooped up some sand when we were there last spring and sent it to me. (I still get made fun of at work for getting a box full of sand in the mail.) The "sandmen" are spreading the sand from Virginia Beach so we could - sort of - get married on the beach.
Here's the story on the flowers, so you know that we didn't originally intend for Gary to wear a sunflower "the size of a satellite dish" on his lapel. We got the flowers from Jones Valley Urban Farm in Birmingham. It was important to us to buy fresh and buy local. On Saturday, my mom, stepmom, sisters-in-law, a few other wonderful and wonderfully talented ladies and I went to the farm. The fabulous folks at JVUF cut us a ton of flowers, and then turned us loose with clippers to cut whatever we wanted. So everyone made arrangments, corsages, boot-an-ears, etc., and we also took a ginormous bucket of other cut stuff - just in case anything wilted. Well, some did. At the last minute, we had the weekend coordinator Tabitha Hanner making new bouquets for my entourage out of the extra sunflowers. Gary's back-up boot-an-ear was also a sunflower, because I wanted it to match my bouquet. So, he wore that enormous sunflower. He was sweet enough to wear it for me, so I thought I could at least explain that a big yellow flower was not his choice. And, no, it did not shoot water like a clown flower.
I know unless you were standing pretty close to us, you weren't able to hear our vows. (Although you were able to hear one of the video guys say "She'll kill him" when the judge mispronounced my name. He did correct himself, and only did it once, by the way.) So, anyway, you weren't able to hear our vows, so here they are (or at least what we had planned to say - some things were ad-libbed and well, I forgot part of mine.):
He said:
Little did I know that curly girl I met 7 years ago would one day become my wife.
Our life together has been full of love and laughter... fun and frustration... and help, hope and healing. And I wouldn't have wanted to experience it with anyone else.
You make my good days better and my bad days more tolerable.
Today as we stand here, before family and friends, I offer you my life and my love. And as we take our next steps in this journey, trust me to care for you, protect you and to love you as we become one - one heart, one soul... for the rest of our days.
She said:
For years I prayed that God would put someone in my path whom I could love wholly and completely - and who would love me back.For years, I had no idea I was already spending every day with him. Gary, you are the most amazing man I have ever met. You are caring and courteous, brave and brilliant, gentle and generous. It is a joy and comfort to spend my days and my life with you. I am so blessed. And I truly am the luckiest girl in the world. I love you so wholly and so completely. And you love me back.
We have already been through sickness and health. Through richer and poorer, and better and worse. We know we can make it through that. So today, I promise you that I will always be good to you, I will always take care of you, I will always be here for you. I will pray for you, and I will pray with you. I will listen patiently and laugh quickly. I will believe in you and I will believe in us. I will celebrate your triumphs and support you through tears. And I will put aside my pride and trust you enough to share all of myself with you.
Mostly, I will remember that our marriage is a work in progress. I cannot expect perfection neither from you, nor from myself. I come into this with an open heart, and an open mind, and I know that together, we can make it through anything.
That's all for now. Stay tuned, there's still more funny stuff to come...
The precious boys in blue are Gary's nephews. You may remember that we had originally planned to get married on the beach, and that Gary proposed to me on the sand at Virginia Beach. His sister scooped up some sand when we were there last spring and sent it to me. (I still get made fun of at work for getting a box full of sand in the mail.) The "sandmen" are spreading the sand from Virginia Beach so we could - sort of - get married on the beach.
Here's the story on the flowers, so you know that we didn't originally intend for Gary to wear a sunflower "the size of a satellite dish" on his lapel. We got the flowers from Jones Valley Urban Farm in Birmingham. It was important to us to buy fresh and buy local. On Saturday, my mom, stepmom, sisters-in-law, a few other wonderful and wonderfully talented ladies and I went to the farm. The fabulous folks at JVUF cut us a ton of flowers, and then turned us loose with clippers to cut whatever we wanted. So everyone made arrangments, corsages, boot-an-ears, etc., and we also took a ginormous bucket of other cut stuff - just in case anything wilted. Well, some did. At the last minute, we had the weekend coordinator Tabitha Hanner making new bouquets for my entourage out of the extra sunflowers. Gary's back-up boot-an-ear was also a sunflower, because I wanted it to match my bouquet. So, he wore that enormous sunflower. He was sweet enough to wear it for me, so I thought I could at least explain that a big yellow flower was not his choice. And, no, it did not shoot water like a clown flower.
I know unless you were standing pretty close to us, you weren't able to hear our vows. (Although you were able to hear one of the video guys say "She'll kill him" when the judge mispronounced my name. He did correct himself, and only did it once, by the way.) So, anyway, you weren't able to hear our vows, so here they are (or at least what we had planned to say - some things were ad-libbed and well, I forgot part of mine.):
He said:
Little did I know that curly girl I met 7 years ago would one day become my wife.
Our life together has been full of love and laughter... fun and frustration... and help, hope and healing. And I wouldn't have wanted to experience it with anyone else.
You make my good days better and my bad days more tolerable.
Today as we stand here, before family and friends, I offer you my life and my love. And as we take our next steps in this journey, trust me to care for you, protect you and to love you as we become one - one heart, one soul... for the rest of our days.
She said:
For years I prayed that God would put someone in my path whom I could love wholly and completely - and who would love me back.For years, I had no idea I was already spending every day with him. Gary, you are the most amazing man I have ever met. You are caring and courteous, brave and brilliant, gentle and generous. It is a joy and comfort to spend my days and my life with you. I am so blessed. And I truly am the luckiest girl in the world. I love you so wholly and so completely. And you love me back.
We have already been through sickness and health. Through richer and poorer, and better and worse. We know we can make it through that. So today, I promise you that I will always be good to you, I will always take care of you, I will always be here for you. I will pray for you, and I will pray with you. I will listen patiently and laugh quickly. I will believe in you and I will believe in us. I will celebrate your triumphs and support you through tears. And I will put aside my pride and trust you enough to share all of myself with you.
Mostly, I will remember that our marriage is a work in progress. I cannot expect perfection neither from you, nor from myself. I come into this with an open heart, and an open mind, and I know that together, we can make it through anything.
That's all for now. Stay tuned, there's still more funny stuff to come...
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Wanna watch it live?
Here we go... down to the final hours before The Wedding. If you're not here, we're sorry you're not sharing in this day with us. But you can still watch the ceremony live! Check it out - 1:00 p.m. Central tomorrow. Here: http://asoundidea.com/garyandmariesa
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
Monday, August 31, 2009
The Ceremony on the Interwebs...
For those of you who, for various reasons, are not able to attend The Wedding, we will be live streaming it. It will be at 1:00 p.m. Central on Sunday, link to be provided later. You will need to have the most recent Adobe Flash Player installed on your computer - at least Adobe Flash Player 9. I will need your email addresses ahead of time. Not sure why, I'm just being told to get the email addresses of those who will be watching online ahead of time. More details to follow.
Wish you were going to be here, but happy you can still watch live!
Wish you were going to be here, but happy you can still watch live!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Volunteers Needed!
Come one, come all!
I need help doing the flowers. We will only be putting together a couple of "arrangements" - that is to say "things in vases." I've already created all of the centerpieces, so this will be mostly bouquets and the things the guys wear that I can't spell. Boot-an-ear. I have an appointment at Jones Valley Urban Farm in downtown Birmingham at 1:00 on Saturday afternoon. We had the flowers grown especially for The Wedding, so we will need to choose the flowers, have them cut, and then assemble things. I'm really not very particular about this, so hopefully it will be relatively simple - tape, wrap ribbon, move on to the next. Want to help? I need all the hands I can get. Please shoot me an email or call if you are planning to join us so I know how many people to expect - or if you'll be in from out of town and will need a ride, let me know that too.
Thank you in advance for helping make our wedding weekend even that much more special!
~M
I need help doing the flowers. We will only be putting together a couple of "arrangements" - that is to say "things in vases." I've already created all of the centerpieces, so this will be mostly bouquets and the things the guys wear that I can't spell. Boot-an-ear. I have an appointment at Jones Valley Urban Farm in downtown Birmingham at 1:00 on Saturday afternoon. We had the flowers grown especially for The Wedding, so we will need to choose the flowers, have them cut, and then assemble things. I'm really not very particular about this, so hopefully it will be relatively simple - tape, wrap ribbon, move on to the next. Want to help? I need all the hands I can get. Please shoot me an email or call if you are planning to join us so I know how many people to expect - or if you'll be in from out of town and will need a ride, let me know that too.
Thank you in advance for helping make our wedding weekend even that much more special!
~M
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Schedule of Events
Wow! We're less than a week away from the start of The Wedding Weekend! I know everyone from out of town is coming in at different times, so for your planning porpoises ;) here's the schedule of events:
Friday
Dinner at 6:00 for whoever's already in town, or anyone local who wants to attend. Jim & Nick's at Greystone on 280. See Wedding Map for location.
Saturday
Groom's Golf Outing, 7:00 a.m.
Bride's Pamper Outing, (and one-footed pedicure) 9:00 a.m.
Flower cutting and arranging, 1:00 p.m., Jones Valley Urban Farm (Volunteers needed. See next post for more. See Wedding Map for actual location.)
Rehearsal, 4:00 p.m., Vulcan Park
Rehearsal/Family Dinner immediately following, Dreamland, see Wedding Map for location (or follow your nose)
Dessert/Drinks, 7:00-ish, Steele's at the Hilton Perimeter Park (See Wedding Map for location)
Sunday
Ceremony, 1:00 p.m., City Overlook at Vulcan Park
Self-guided tours of Vulcan Park and observation deck just after ceremony
Reception, immediately following, Fleming's at The Summit
After-party - well, afterwards - location TBA
Please take a look at the Wedding Map, it should be quite helpful in getting the lay of the land.
Have questions? Give us a call or shoot us an email.
See you all soon!!!
Friday
Dinner at 6:00 for whoever's already in town, or anyone local who wants to attend. Jim & Nick's at Greystone on 280. See Wedding Map for location.
Saturday
Groom's Golf Outing, 7:00 a.m.
Bride's Pamper Outing, (and one-footed pedicure) 9:00 a.m.
Flower cutting and arranging, 1:00 p.m., Jones Valley Urban Farm (Volunteers needed. See next post for more. See Wedding Map for actual location.)
Rehearsal, 4:00 p.m., Vulcan Park
Rehearsal/Family Dinner immediately following, Dreamland, see Wedding Map for location (or follow your nose)
Dessert/Drinks, 7:00-ish, Steele's at the Hilton Perimeter Park (See Wedding Map for location)
Sunday
Ceremony, 1:00 p.m., City Overlook at Vulcan Park
Self-guided tours of Vulcan Park and observation deck just after ceremony
Reception, immediately following, Fleming's at The Summit
After-party - well, afterwards - location TBA
Please take a look at the Wedding Map, it should be quite helpful in getting the lay of the land.
Have questions? Give us a call or shoot us an email.
See you all soon!!!
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